My Daily Fix 2- The Pastor who beat God

THE PASTOR WHO KILLED SATAN

Stories in the Bible gel so well with their own ancient witch-and-wizard tales, that African converts are serious believers in God, Son and the Holy Ghost. I am not sure whether Pastor MBoro of South Africa was merely pulling a fast one to impress his FaceBook followers or actually killed Satan, thereby proving himself greater than God, and relieving the world of one of the two nuisances – God and himself..

On his FB page, Pastor MBoro posted:when I got to hell there was a queue of millions of people waiting to be braai’d by Satan. I even saw some prominent South African politicians. I was so shocked because they lived like angels here on earth. I thought they went to heaven. When Satan saw me he panicked and directed his army to kill me. Like Samson in the Bible, I defeated them. Satan was my last victim”

Though their religion exhorts all human sheep to have faith and trust in their shepherds, some of the sheep in his FaceBook parish revolted. Soon enough, the man who beat Satan to death tamely retreated and withdrew his post.

The good Pastor MBoro

WHAT SHOULD A GOOD MUSLIM DO ON HIS FIRST NIGHT.

According to Munshi Anis Ahmad (May Allah be pleased on him) , Prophet Muhammad wants that you say the following prayer while you lift the veil of your bride for the first time, or when you buy an animal, the only difference being that in the case of the bride, you will pull her forelock and say theis prayer.

Allahumma inni asaluka min khaireha wa khairma jabaltaha alaihi aoozubika min sharriha wa aharrima jabaltaa alaihi.

Meaning: O Allah! I beg of thee the good of this with and the good of disposition wherewith Thou hast crated her and I ask refuge in Thee FROM HER EVIL and from the EVIL of her disposition wherewith Thou hast created her. (Translation by M. Abdul Hameed Siddiqui)

Evidently, God created man with only good disposition. What could be the good God’s evil disposition while creating the woman? Surely it couldn’t be constipation. Allah loves the millions of goats sacrificed to him on Bakreid, but has not been known to be constipated..

Not a bridal night, but yesterday (22nd February, 2019) in Malappuram, Kerala, Indian Muslim League – a powerful political lobby in that state – held a pre-poll conference. A young woman was brought on stage by the organizers for singing a (no doubt) pious song. She sang piously enough, but the conference was almost vertically split on the heresy of letting a woman, whom Allah created while on an evil disposition, on the hoary stage.

They surely have a valid reason.

WHY IN MUHAMMAD’S WISDOM WOMEN ARE EVIL.

I am quoting this from a couple of well-known Hadiths recorded by Sahih Bukhari (May he too lie in peace till the final reckoning).

When Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) visited Heaven on a reconnaisance mission prior to his final departure to the place, Jibil showed him around the wonderful setup created by God for his faithful servants and Himself. The ground was made of gold, there were pearls and gems all around. Flowers had colours not seen on earth. The beauty of the place and that of the virgins standing around invitingly was beyond compare.

Thoroughly satiated, Muhammad wanted to take a look at hell as well; which Jibril warned him against. Muhammad stood his ground. Since the angel (Jibril) though caste in fire was destined to prostrate before man created with mud (Muhammad) and hence bound to give in, the former finally relented. The Prophet watched the terrible goings-on in hell with the same equanimity as the run-away young British teenager Shamima Begum watched severed human heads in a garbage bin in Syria. Muhammad, of course, had known what to expect. What surprised him was that nearly all of the flaming inmates sucking pus from festeed wounds were women.

Jibril explained: “They are the evil wives who forgot all the good things their husbands did for them but complained when they (husbands) did something wrong.”

I read this story to my wife.

“I’m sure that only men will be taken to Hindu hell,” she said: “Women are Devis.”

The audacity of the woman.

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