This simple and hence, by definition elegant, theory of creation originated in the mind of ancient Jews but is now owned, defended and often celebrated by Christians of all shades.
James Ussher (1581 –1656), Anglican Archbishop of Ireland calculated that Creation began at 9 AM on Sunday, October 23, 4004 BC – some 6012 years ago. With such precision in the calculation, one could hardly go wrong.
- Day one (Sunday, Oct 23) : God created the heaven and earth; divided light from the darkness
- Day 2: Built a firmament in the middle of the waters, and let it divide the waters from waters – under the firmament (sea) and above the firmament (source of rain?)
- Day 3. Dry land was named earth; Water under the heaven was gathered together into one place and called it the seas. Earth brought forth grass, the herb-yielding seed, tree yielding fruits of its kind
- Day 4. Lights (sun and moon and the stars) in the firmament of heaven dividing day and night and be signs for seasons, for days and years, and to give light on earth.
- Day 5. Waters brought forth moving creatures, fowls that may fly above earth in the open firmament of heaven and told them to multiply.
- Day 6: Earth brought forth living creatures of their kind and everything that crept on earth.
- Day 6: God created man in his own image, male and female, to replenish earth and to multiply, and to have dominion over the fowl of the air and everything that moves on earth Every fruit of a tree yielding seed, every fowl of the air, everything creeps upon earth and every green herb for meat.
- On day 7, God decided to take rest. (Having discovered that rest is good), God later made that day holy, named it Sabbath, and ordered that none of his human creations would do any work on that day.
God created Adam in his own image, shaping him in clay and blowing His breath into him. A little while after Adam stood up as a full-grown man with a naval that served no purpose and all the other paraphernalia and genitalia in God’s own image, God decided that Adam needed a companion to while away his time. So He put him to sleep and removed a rib of his to create one, but not exactly in his own image. We do not know why God formed this companion with different sexual endowments. That God made Adam in his own image is well known, and was recently certified by Pope Francis, the most liberal Pope in History.
God also made cherubs, winged and baby-faced tough cookies. Some of them guard the tree of eternal life lest a medical graduate finds it while researching for his PhD. There are other angels who do small chores for God and man. Six of them, Seraphim their name, position themselves around God’s throne to hide His face and feet and to generally serve as body-guards (Isaiah, 6: 2-4). Another two of these winged angels provide the motive force to make the throne fly. Job of another couple of these winged guards is to keep chanting ‘Holy, holy, the whole earth is full of glory‘ when God flies while sitting on his throne, the train of his robe filling an entire temple (Ibid).
When God made all the grass, plants and trees on day three, even before he created the sun, the Garden of Eden must have come into being which was where Adam and his companion were created. In that garden, there were two fruit-bearing trees – one had aphrodisiac fruits while the other had fruits that gave one eternal life. Being a jealous God (whose name was ‘Jealous’ – Ex. 34:14)), He warned Adam not to eat from the tree of Kamasutra knowledge. If you ate its fruit, God lied, you’d die. Actually it was not an entire lie because Adam did die some 900 years later. Since females are insignificant. We are not told when his female companion – whom he later named Eve- died.
Of the tree of life, God wisely refrained from saying anything for fear that Adam would become equal to Him. To be doubly sure, He put cherubs on guard around the tree of eternal life which presumably still stands unnoticed somewhere in the Middle East.
Now they were naked, and being feminine with that special set of genitalia that God equipped her with for whatever reason, Adam’s surgically created ‘sidekick‘ was filled with curiosity. She set her eyes on this allegorical snake. Being the first woman on earth, she neither knew nor cared about death.
“You won’t die, the Old Man was lying,” said the snake, by now erect and standing. Adam too was tickled by the situation. So they ate the fruit of sin. Stripped of the allegory, they screwed and loved it. As it was to happen forever in future, they dressed after eating the proverbial fruit of sin.
This leafy apparel that they wore gave them away when God arrived in the garden to
enjoy the cool breeze. (Apart from loving a walk in the garden, God also loved to smell burning flesh and the smell of incenses, wanted gold decorations on his tabernacle, and hated all other gods whose existence He recognized by sitting in judgment over them). God, being a jealous God (whose name was Jealous) immediately knew from the hurried dressing that the original sin had been committed. He threw the couple out of Eden, cursing the man to work hard, and the woman to bleed and to suffer pain before, after and during child birth. The snake was told to eat and crawl on dust and to be enemies with the descendants of the woman and be stamped to death by her sons (Gen 2:14-15)
Now whether eating and sharing an apple or the nefarious act of making love – concupiscence – employing the biological equipment provided by God himself constituted the original sin shall remain an indeterminate factor in Judaic-Christian history. The punishment for the original sin, however, shall keep visiting the descendants of the original sinners – Adam and Eve – till eternity.
Having not read the Bible, nor being unable to hear anything unless it came as a vibration on earth, snake cared a hoot for God’s command and has since then been eating frogs and rats instead of dust. Offspring of women have reconciled their enmity with snakes; many believe that killing a snake would affect the ecological balance. Huge snakes called Anna Conda do roam the wild, and have known to be dangerous. At least one Anna Conda is known to have swallowed a man without bothering to persuade him to sin.
Man and woman, of course, heard and understood the command (Gen 2: 14- 19). Till recently, women have been suffering the terrible pangs of child birth. Now priests and Pastors curse the doctors who give them spinal injections to relieve the pain. Men have been working hard just as God had cursed them – some breaking stones in the baking sun, some toiling in dangerous coalmines and many others blabbering away in boardrooms and yet others hitting golf balls on soothing green fields while lesser workers carry their clubs for them. One curse that man and wife could not escape is that of death. We do not know why animals, of whom concupiscence was not forbidden and were also told to go and multiply, also suffer death.
However, you cannot say that Biblical creation is a myth, it is a living ‘history’ whose credibility to old women and children has been boosted greatly by preachers, pastors, Bishops, writers, radio jockeys and movie makers. A very impressive ‘The Bible: In the Beginning’ extravagantly created with stunning effects in the pre-digital era of 1966 was preceded and followed by several other movies and videos in several languages. The sex content implicit in the story of Creation was exploited in a Malayalam movie Adhya Papam (The Original Sin – 1988) by a little known director and even two lesser known actors who played Adam and Eve, naturally in the nude. This was one movie that was loved by the pious and the connoisseur of the lurid. Needless to say, the producer made money and the actress went on to get a role in a hundred soft-porn movies in South Indian languages.
One way to escape death in which you’d roast alive in hell till eternity on account of sexual crime by Adam and Eve is to trust the person who alone was born without the heinous and despicable original sin, the act of making love. Such a person was Jesus Christ, a product of what is known as Immaculate Conception. In this mode of conception – which took place only once in human history – God sent his spirit (also known as Holy Ghost) to impregnate an innocent virgin named Mary, already betrothed to a young carpenter named Joseph. To ensure that her virginity remained intact, this ghost entered Mary’s womb through an unknown alternative route and lodged God’s seed therein. It is not clear by what passage the baby took birth without disturbing the lady’s hymen, but it’s not polite to ask.
Not being born of sin, Jesus became the redeemer of all those who were born from the original sin. Thus all those who put their faith in Jesus and believe this cock-and-bull
story escape death and hellfire.
If you carry the impression that this Biblical story of creation is no longer believed in this age of science and reasoning, you couldn’t be more wrong. Thousands of preachers, pastors, Bishops and Evangelists in the United States demand that Creation be taught in schools. ACE (Accelerated Christian Education) group of schools teach it in the United Kingdom. In 2004, a teacher in Grace International School (which was graceful enough to warn me that they teach Christian principles when I went to enrol my child) angrily forced my six-year old grandson to retract his first project – a half-page scribble on Dynosaurs.
“Do not bring such nonsense to class,” the teacher warned him. “There never was any such thing as dynosaurs. It finds no mention in the Bible.”