My answer to Can people really buy nukes in Bulgaria?
Answer by Vishu Menon:
Like Mr. Obama proclaimed, Yes, We Can.
You can buy from Mr. Ivanov a nuclear warhead left behind in Bulgaria by the Russians during the CCCP breakup. If you can’t find him there, you could look for him in Saudi Arabia or Pakistan. The bomb itself could be in Baluchistan where they are still considering whether to detonate it and then go to Kashmir, or go to Kashmir and detonate it there. Supposing they are not willing to trade. Then go back to Varna, find Ivanov’s mother’ in her vegetable garden. Negotiate with the old lady, and start digging. You will almost certainly find it there unless someone else beat you to it. Give her the couple of thousand Levs that you negotiated and a generous tip for keeping the trade a secret.
What you need is a real capacity for travelling. Mr. AQ Khan surreptitiously ‘bought’ the blueprint from Holland, then went to North Korea with a blueprint of the blueprint and traded it with Kim Jong-il for uranium, and then to Iran for something more than a mere barter with the detonator, and then off he went to Saudi Arabia and Libya who were ready to part with the necessary money for nothing more than a promise of an Islamic bomb, which Mr. Khan delivered, all single-handedly while Bhutto-to-Haq-to-Bhutto-to-Sharif patronizingly looked on. If Khan, who is no Abdus Salam, can do it, so can you.
Now, for a first try, off you go to that vegetable garden in Varna; make sure you convert your dollars to Lev at the airport before you meet the old lady. Unlike the rest of the world, she doesn’t worship American dollars.