suggested name : OBOLA, GOD ALMIGHTY
(With apologies to victims of cruel religious bigotry and political connivance)
Americans are a worried lot. Aerial bombing hasn’t stopped the holy warriors of Islamic State. Obama, John Kerry and John Brennan meet secretly in the oval office with occasional interruptions from the First Lady. They (Americans) are now preparing for a contingency when Islamic State Militants inject Ebola into suicide volunteers (mostly British and American white teens) and fly them to US airports.
Snowden, who spies on the meeting, publishes the gist of the secret meeting. If that brilliant idea of spreading a new biological weapon had not occurred to the militants yet, now it has.
ABU Omar al-Shishani at the Syrian border is enthused. He says the idea has come from God Almighty. A dozen suicide volunteers are infected in and smuggled out from West Africa (best place to smuggle in and smuggle out) and injected with Ebola virus serum. A couple of Mullahs are selected to train them in the holy art of suicide war, to indoctrinate them how God loves and rewards such holy warriors. They are also trained with sample questions God the Great would ask, how to answer them. In reward, God Almighty would reward them with beds with rivers flowing below, piles of dates and pomegranate by their side, and minimum forty eternal virgins and a few doe-eyed youth for their personal pleasure.
Mullahs gets Ebola from suicide volunteers trained and equipped in West Africa, and in turn meet other Mullahs. Which leads to Ebola among Mullahs, Maulvis and the faithful. Fever, diarrhea.
Suicide volunteers with Ebolas fly to Kennedy airport. Three of them are oozing in their pants by the time they land and are quarrantined.
Others spread out. Quite a few Ebola cases in Manhattan. Panic. Times first page screams revenge out of helplessness. A few Americans some black, some white, most of them kaffir unbelievers, die. The suicide volunteers die with great satisfaction and reach heaven and are led directly to God for the rewards.
Since vifruses do not recognize divinity, nor care for virgins and doe-eyed boys, God the Great catches Ebola.
Animated Scene of flood, chaos, scenes of great buildings collapsing, and piles of dates and pomegrades floating, , river that runs below rising above, eternal virgins and doe-eyed youth crying for help and drowning.
Great Diarrhea, No God. World peace.
SCENE 1, TAKE 1
Set : Oval Office.
Camera pans a robust mahogany door, crest-fallen star-spangled banners on either side. Golden motif of an angry eagle at the top of the door.
On the door hangs a hand-written sign, which says :
“TOP SECRET MEETING. DO NOT ENTER”.,
In the background, Rap music that sounds like cannon shots – (For increased ticket sales in India, you can have Eminem sing one of his songs that start as a whisper and end up splitting ears. ).
Action. Camera 2
The door opens ever so slowly and silently. The head and shoulders of two men in grey suits, facing a large empty presidential chair comes in view. Pan 180 degrees, past a vacant fire place, three curtained windows behind the President’s desk, another pair of crest-fallen flags behind the empty chair, four curtained doors in all directions. Pause suggestively at a row of secret cameras placed behind photographs of two George Bushes.
Pause and focus suggestively on a pair of Russian-made rough shoes under the curtain of the left-side door. Both this curtain and the shoes under them are hidden to the visitors and the President who will soon occupy the big chair with three windows behind.
Camera pauses again, facing the two men. One on the left – near-bald and stocky is John Brennan, Director of CIA. To the right (to Brennan’ss left) is salt-and-pepper haired John KERRY. The screen displays their names and jobs by brief captions, retained long enough for American audience to read and comprehend the English words.
KERRY; (straining his eyes over his watch): thirty nine seconds gone and no sign of him. Twenty years ago, he would be bringing us coffee.
BRENNAN: Cut out the piracy, John. That is Clinton copyright. Say something new.”
KERRY: All right. How ‘bout this? Fifteen years ago, before he was senator, a Ferguson trooper would have shot him in the streets, no questions asked.
BRENNAN: Don’t remind me. After that terrible black guy –what’s his name? –Michael Whatever was innocently shot by poor Darren Wilson in the street, Ferguson police requested us to make a video of a Black look-alike looting a store. Since it was for public consumption, they said it had to look real genuine. It took us three days to find a look-alike, then find a store man willing to shoot in his store, and then, finally – ugh – the shooting. Shooting the video, I mean, not the look-alike. The guy we found was not much of a look-alike, so we had to make the video hazy and show only his back. He was much older than this Michael Whatever, so we got the face made blanked out – not that the guy was not black enough – when he turned around to face the camera to kick the fake security who pretended to try and stop him. Gosh, I couldn’t sleep that night – no, not because of a bad conscience, but because the video didn’t come out quite right.
KERRY: But it worked with the public, at least with the white public. That’s what mattered..
In the back ground:
“GENTLEMEN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!”
Enters OBAMA. Wears a light-colored suit worn without tie, beneath a sheepish smile.
Brennan and Kerry hesitantly stand up’
OBAMA : Good morning, John. Good Morning, other John. I am sorry. You know, Michelle wants her coffee and toast in bed at 8.30 sharp. This morning, after getting the fussy kids to go brush their teeth, I was so occupied with the thought of this top secret meeting, that the toast got burnt just a little. That got her goat, you know, she gets her goat every morning since she was elected the First Lady. Then there was the usual – you know, man and wife thing.
KERRY: Good morning, Mr. President. I hope you kissed and made up.
OBAMA: I kissed. She had no make-up.
BRENNAN: Good morning, Mr. President.
OBAMA : Tell me what’s good this morning. (wipes a stain of coffee from the lapel of his jacket with the back of his hand). Something from the friendly surveillance system that that Sonofa… my good friend George got installed.
BRENNAN: We got a clear video of Merkel and Sauer in what might be called mild lip lock. Audio wasn’t clear, but we suspect that Markel was suggesting a holiday trip of some sort, and Sauer appeared delighted..
OBAMA : Who is this Sauer? A third angle in an affair ? Hey, this is breaking news! Where was her husband Merkel??
BRENNAN: : Sorry, sir. Joachim Sauer is her husband. Ulrich Merkel was her unlucky first, who is now probably eating his heart out since she became the chancellor. (tries to laugh at his own joke, but gives up).
OBAMA (grandly, though somewhat disappointed): Cut the gossip. What good gossip has your friendly surveillance system ever brought us any way? That Sonofa.. my good friend George started it for God knows what purpose, and I keep getting the rap from that Merkel woman though I never even tried to squeeze her shoulders. That Aussie what’s-his-name Abbot kept lecturing me about it, I couldn’t half make out what he was saying. Something about not snooping on friends, I guess. I said, yeah, yeah, it’s bad to snoop, but George only intended to snoop on the Gillard woman. That pleased him. He asked me if we found something. I said -yeah, I said I would ask George and let him know. (Pretends to thumbs a file in front of him). Let’s be serious. Tell me what’s happening in Iraq and Syria – what’s left of those countries that the Sonofa …my good friend George has left for me.
KERRY: We are bombing the hell out of those Islamic State guys in both places, and they are advancing steadily.
OBAMA (turning to Brennan): You tell me. This guy packs tons of gifts and dollar bills for kings and presidents and chiefs and flies around in his special plane all over the world, and brings only the worst news. Even Michelle and the kids don’t use my Air Force One so much. We are bombing from the latest planes in the world, and they are advancing ! Bah, some news!
BRENNAN: Not Kerry’s fault. We bomb them so that they would retreat. A couple of them die along with the usual collateral damage of a few hundred men women and children, but the rest of them advance to the next town. They take it that we’re clearing the place for them. A mole told us that their leader – Abu something, was hiding in a hospital. We bombed the hospital to kingdom come. The patients, nurses, doctors, kids, women – all – Kaput. The Abu sonofabitch wasn’t there, we got only a couple of his co…. you know, suckers..
OBAMA : Boo-hoo. We borrowed a trillion more dollars from China and printed another trillion-and-a-half to put those new-fangled machines in the air , not to burn hospitals, but to bomb them bastards to the middle ages.
KERRY: That’s the problem, Mr. President. Those Islamic State guys are already in the middle ages, and want to suicide-bomb us all back to there. That’s what the war is all about.
OBAMA: For god sake let’s have some good news. I hope Putin finds himself in deep soup after all those sanctions we put on him.
Brenna : That’s even worse. He’s celebrating it with the Chinese. China is printing more Rinmbing whatever to replace dollars to trade with Russia, then with India, Malaysia, Indonesia, Srilanka. If, all those Asian yellows and brownies do not want our dollars to trade, what use our printing them? That’s what Warren Buffet meant when he said our economy is gonna sink.
OBAMA: No racism, please. You are mouthing Republican nonsense . Warren is out to make the economy dip when I am in the White House. We can continue to borrow and then print money to pay interest – at least till my term expires. Anyway, for what Hillary has been saying lately, she needs to do some sweating when she is in this chair. Tell me something juicy that our friendly surveillance system caught from Moscow. Tell me that Putin is bending.
BRENNAN (turning paler than his usual pink): I am ashamed to tell you this, Mr. President. Putin is bending, but only literally. He zeroed in on our camera.
OBAMA : And removed it? What kind of intelligence setup have you if you can’t even hide a damn spy camera?
BRENNAN: No, he didn’t find it, it’s well hidden, only got a fix on it. The camera is still in place. Every time he walks into his office, he closes the door, faces away from the direction of the camera, bends forward, bares his bottom towards the camera – our camera – and shouts: potzelui!
OBAMA: What the hell does that mean?
BRENNAN: My office researched. We found that it means something like KISS MY….in Russian
OBAMA: These Russians are vulgar, they must be included in the Axis of Evil coined by that Sonofa..
BRENNAN: Your good friend George.
OBAMA: Yes. But you got cameras in their Military Headquarters in Moscow, officers’ clubs, men’s messes, newspaper offices, public libraries, that’s what the Son…my good friend George’s secret briefing led me to believe..
BRENNAN: Mr. President, I was going to tell you that. Every one of the cameras has been spotted. It’s become a military ritual in Russia that before each meal officers and men, peasants and laborers parade in front of our cameras with bared bottoms and shout potzelui!
OBAMA sits with his hands on his head, sighing loudly..
OBAMA (after a pause, but not looking up ): Think of it, If Putin tells Kim-Jong- Un, he would spot the cameras and we would have to kiss those yellow bottoms as well!
A woman’s call from behind the scene : “Barak, are you coming or not? I want you to serve my breakfast. Gah-tit? !”
OBAMA (Absent-mindedly): Gah-tit, darling, gah-tit. (To Kerry) What else is on the agenda for this meeting?
KERRY : Ebola
OBAMA: (Shaken) Who is she? Don’t mention any such female names around the White House. You know Michelle.
BRENNAN: Mr. President, our intelligence research has found that Ebola is a terrible disease, a deadly scourge, now killing millions in West Africa.
KERRY (guffaws) : That’s some research. Not millions, but thousands so far but could turn out to be millions. It’s all over CNN. Sir, we fear that Ebola will be the next WMD that those back-to-middle-ages army, ISIS might use against the United States. That would be worse than nine-eleven, and we would have no defense against it.
OBAMA : What do you mean no defense? We have the greatest air power in the world, enough nukes to destroy the Solar System, and our army is willing to teach anybody else to fight on the ground ever since body bags arrived because of that Sonofa..I mean my good friend George started a stupid personal war with Saddam.
KERRY. Mr. President, picture this. They get a few indoctrinated suicide idiots to volunteer for Ebola injection. Then they travel to New York, Washington, Chicago, ‘Frisco. Ebola spreads like wild fire. Do I have to complete the picture for you?
OBAMA: Don’t say that. That Indian guy who gave me the monkey god had warned me that we should never expect or say anything ominous, think positive, is what he said, while standing on his head. We can’t all stand on our heads, but we can think positive, can’t we? That said, I hope that Bobby Jindal, the only Indian I dislike, stands on his head and breaks his neck. I say, a simple solution to this Ebola problem is: Don’t allow anyone, particularly colored Muslims -African or Arab , even if there are people named Hussein among them, into the United States. Period.
BRENNAN: My intelligence research shows that there are plenty of white suicide idiots, with Christian passports and Muslim second, third and fourth names, volunteering for ISIS. Promise of forty virgins per head has induced many young Americans and Britons to want to go to heaven ASAP. They’ve been brainwashed that there are no virgins in America and Europe.
KERRY: This time your intelligence hits it on the head on two counts. The guy who shows off his beheading skills on the television is a white Briton.
OBAMA : Those Britons are mad. They still consult Tony Blair about what to do in Iraq. Next they will telephone the Sonofa… my good friend George for checking with him,
BRENNAN: That’s right. Britons are stupid, otherwise why did they bring tea to Boston? We only drink coffee.
BRENNAN: That white head-chopping Briton is not as mad as some of our white Americans who walk into crèches and nurseries and shoot little children. Even without the promise of forty virgins per head.
OBAMA : I know, I know. Next you’re gonna talk about police officers who shoot unarmed blacks.
BRENNAN: (Indignantly) No, I wasn’t going to say that . We have a video that shows that Michael Brown was not innocent. He had looted a store for a couple of cigars, which was why he was shot in the street, unarmed, hands up and crouching as if he was a traffic offender..Served him right, if you ask me.
(KERRY chuckles suggestively until the audience understand why he chuckles. In the background, a black-and white clip of John Brennen directing the video shoot.).
Just as the B&W clip of a scene fades, enters Michelle sans makeup, her jaws firmly in place, hair in curls, hands on hip.
MICHELLE : I am a lawyer. Mr. Brennen, Let’s say Michael Brown stole two cigars. Tell me, which state in the United States awards capital punishment for stealing cigars? That too without trial?
All three male heads – bald, gray and close-cropped – bow down in shame.
MICHELLE: Mr. John Brennan, I am asking you.
BRENNAN (without looking up) : I understand that there is some such law among the IPD troopers in Ferguson. To prove the point, they have shot one more gentleman under the same law.
MICHELLE : A black gentleman, of course.
KERRY (also without looking up): I heard they’re planning to give some sort of an award to Darren Wilson for bravery. For courageously getting two unarmed blacks in two weeks in the face of stiff opposition, is what the citation would say.
MICHELLE (stamps a foot in disgust): And why not four more blacks in the White House?
OBAMA: Please, darling, no ominous talk. Think positive, is what the Indian advised me while standing on his head. Those Indians, you know, are wise. Spellalthon, Mathematics..Brain Outsourcing and all that.. Also Never forget that all four presidents who were shot in the White House were white.
MICHELLE: Shut up Barak, if you don’t end this stupid secret meeting on black shooting as if it were duck shooting this minute and serve me and the kids our breakfast before they leave for school, I’m gonna divorce you. That’s a promise!
MICHELLE marches out angrily. All heads are raised.
OBAMA (hands on the table, straight-faced, trying hard to turn pale with embarrassment): You know these women. They never keep that promise. Gentlemen, under the circumstances, I have urgent work, but this top secret meeting is not concluded. We will reconvene after I send kids to school and Michelle out for shopping.
From behind the screen :
LADIES, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES ! !!
Sound of a woman and two teenagers chuckling in background. Clanging of plates and cutlery..
Brennan and Kerry nod to each other, smile and walk out.
Camera pans the curtain with Russian shoes underneath. A lean young man in rough Russian shoes carrying an ancient dictaphone emerges. Caption at the bottom of the screen reads: ‘
EDWARD SNOWDEN, EX-CIA. SUPER SPY
A security guard in uniform emerges from the other secret door.
Guard (stretching his hand, speaking in hoarse whisper) Man, let me see ya out through the secret-most door.
Snowden hands him a large bundle of dollar bills,. which the guard accepts gratefully, but then pauses and frowns.
Guard (staring at the photo on the bills): Who be the president, partner?
Snowden : This is the only dollar bill that will pay your bills a couple of years from now. Keep it safe.
Guard : Yea, , surtenly. No hurry to spend all these dead presidents too soon. Guess will keep them when ma girlie goes to collige. Look like the photo be Benjamin Franklin after a haircut. This Benjamin eyes are a bit small, but that ain’t nothin’, Guess that’d be OK. for my girlie’s collige when the time comes. Thanks a million, man, Eddy boy , though I didn’t do this for money, but ’cause you worked around hea before and you been allays kind. Guess ya got many friends here.
(He points to Snowden the secret door).
Take care, buddy, don’t let ya boots make no sound.
Snowden nods and moves gingerly.
Screen fades while in the background Eminem raps something that sounds like a fiercer and louder version of “Cleaning out my Closet”.