THIS THEORY OF EVOLUTION COULD BE DANGEROUS

October 29, 2014

One morning in early August, 2003 I stood outside the gate of a popular British-run school in Dhaka, Bangladesh. A Board on the gate warned that it was a Christian school, and that admission was not available to locals.  Because it was a missionary school, I was later told, the government prevented the school from admitting local Muslim boys.

The principal I met was a suave, bright young Englishman, who was pleased with the child’s  replies and claims that he could play cricket, swim and skate-board. The school encouraged sports, said the principal. After contemplating my name and the child’s for a couple of seconds, he warned me that the school stressed on Christian values. I said, quite sincerely, that we respected all values.

For several months, we were pleased with the  child’s progress, his diction, his interest in homework and in cricket.

Then one day he came home with a project to complete. He had to choose an animal of his liking, paste a picture of it on his worksheet, and write ten sentences on the creature of his choice. He asked me to get him a picture of dinosaur to paste. I downloaded a terrible-looking carnivore, and printed it on my inkjet. He laboriously read a Wikipedia article on the dinosaur, and wrote a few lines in his childish hand. When done and the colorful picture was put in place, he felt  sure that his would be the best project in the class, and that he would get a star for it.

In the afternoon, he came home in tears. He tore up the paper that contained the dinosaur’s picture and description while I watched him in amazement.

“The teacher said” he heaved through tears, “the teacher said that dinosaur is not a creation of God. It’s a lie because it is not mentioned in the Bible”.

“Grandpa, you cheated me. Dinosaur is a lie,”. To a six year-old, the teacher knows everything.

Fortunately, it was the end of the term for him in that class, and I persuaded his mother to transfer him to any other school. I checked with the American School if they taught Genesis to young minds. The Principal, also suave and bright, said smilingly : “No, we teach regular subjects.”

Fortunately, eleven years on, he has forgotten his lessons in Genesis.

I will not repeat the sad story of Galileo; it has been beaten flat with repetition through centuries. A couple of decades earlier, however, Pope Paul II met Stephen Hawking and a few scientists of his ilk and suggested : Up to Big Bang is fine, but do not go into the origin of it because that belongs to the realm of God.

The scientists probably felt pleased that even the Papacy was evolving. The Pope was obviously implying that the Big Bang Theory could be right.

They had another think coming. Pope Benedict XVI, who preceded the current Pope, trust me, set the clock right back to early seventeenth century. A couple of years before his ascendancy, he declared that it was right for the Church to deny Galileo Galilee; if later the church opted to be silent on the modern theory of a stationary sun and revolving earth, that was merely for political convenience!

The Council of Cardinals still elected him.

His successor has come out with a big bang bursting the first chapter of the Holy Bible.  From the pulpit (or wherever a Pope is supposed to stand), he declared : Evolution and Big Bang theory are real.  God isn’t ‘a magician with a magic wand.

Don’t rejoice in this evolution. May be it’s short-lived. The Cardinals who elected Benedict are watching.

Many years ago a priest like this (people called him Rabbi) was nailed  on to a wooden beam for views that differed from the textbook..

The evolved Christian

MY LAST WAGER ON GOD

October 28, 2014

I have a social-network friend, whom I shall call Irene since I did not ask her permission to use her real name. She is a dedicated  and proud nurse serving abroad. She tries to help her compatriots find jobs in the country of her employment by reproducing nursing job advertisements on Facebook pages. Quite rightly, she believes nursing is the best job in the world.

And she loves Jesus, and believes Jesus loves her. I am sure that her love for her God keeps her cope with the vicissitudes of life, agony of her patients and the poignant  memory of her husband who died a few  years ago. She quotes often from the Bible, the good and kind words of God.  Tactlessly I once commented on one of her quotes by reproducing the cruel and merciless threats of God from the same book. Irene admitted she was hurt, and I discontinued my unsolicited comments on her page.

When our mutual friend Llewelyn fell sick on his last birthday, and there was no news of him for a few days, I checked with Irene if she had any news. She said  she had none, and  was praying for him. She suggested I pray for him too. Irene is Protestant, Llewelyn Catholic, but the denominations had not come in the way of their friendship, nor between them and me, though I have no claim to any religion or religious denomination.

To me, Llewelyn is a close friend from our younger days, over half a century ago. There was nothing I wanted to hear in those anxious days but that he was well. I said to Irene : I seldom pray, I believe God knows his job well, he would do what he thinks is the best , and does not go by recommendations.”

“I see,” answered Irene and tried to  discontinue the chat.  She sounded  shocked that I did not believe in making a plea to God and to  bring Him around to saving our dear friend.

Sensing the dismay and shock in Irene’s voice, I assured her: By Pascal’s wager, I will pray for LLew.

.Hopefully, Irene did not know what Pascal’s wager was.

That night, I actually prayed to a God whose name I did not know, that the jolly good friend of mine, nearly  a year younger than myself, be restored to good health once again. Also that I hear from him soon.

Blaise Pascal, who proposed the wager that bears his name,  was a great scientist, mathematician, inventor and Christian theologian. His wager is this:: If there is God, and if he hears your prayers, it’s good for you, your prayers will be answered. If there is no God, yet  if you believe there is One, and you pray to Him, no loss anyhow.

Pascal, being a Christian theologian, set one condition to laying this wager : the God you pray to has to be Christian God, Not Muslim God, nor a pagan god.

Most  people – Christian, Muslim or Hindu – might not  have heard of Pascal’s wager, only of his mechanical calculators and hydraulic theories while at school or college.  Yet we lay that wager often when we say this:

“ I do not know much about God. All I believe is that there is a great power over us.”

Ask any celebrity about God, I wager that that is what he or she would say. Partly because it is a good way to lay a wager on  the Great Power. Also because naming a particular God or god might offend fans from other religions..

A week later Llewelyn  returned  to the social network, fully recovered, regretting his absence and once again ready to entertain all those hundreds who knew him and admired  his jovial way of listing out soundly  philosophical thoughts and delightful pun with sexual entendres in crisp, short lines.

That was  exactly year ago, give or take two days. Llewelyn is  going strong, full of wit and great thoughts, his health good enough  for another couple of decades.

I don’t remember wagering on God since then.

A VEDIC SCHOLAR GOES TO HEAVEN BY THE RIVER

October 27, 2014

When Uma Bharti’s Ganga cleaning programme comes into being will they fish him out?

Kashikananda Giri

Mr. Kashikananda Giri, 90, who died in a regular hospital, not Mr. Ramdev’s divine  Patanjali Chikitsalaya, has been interred in River Ganges. Once again all the dead babas, Anandas, Giris, Maharajs and Swamies can be put into the holy river. Dead old grandfathers (please, not this one) can soon follow, just as many smaller gods are following Shivsena’s Ganpati into lakes and rivers. Mother Ganga can once again become the longest floating graveyard of the world. Guinness, are you listening?

Many years ago I used to drive my family to Haridwar for bathing in the cool Ganges waters there – they for salvation, I for the sheer joy of walking on the sand-and-gravel river bed while fighting the current that would be trying to sweep me away.

Never again. What if I step on the rotten remains of a sacred Baba?

SCREEN PLAY FOR A HOLLYWOOD MOVIE

October 24, 2014

suggested name : OBOLA, GOD ALMIGHTY

(With apologies to victims of cruel religious bigotry and political connivance)

Script Abstract

Americans are a worried lot. Aerial bombing hasn’t stopped the holy warriors of Islamic State.  Obama, John Kerry and John Brennan  meet secretly in the oval office with occasional interruptions from the First Lady. They (Americans) are now preparing for a contingency when Islamic State Militants inject Ebola into suicide volunteers (mostly British and American white teens) and fly them to US airports.

Snowden, who spies on the meeting,  publishes the gist of the secret meeting. If that brilliant  idea of spreading a new biological weapon had not occurred to the militants yet, now it has. 

ABU Omar al-Shishani  at the Syrian border is enthused. He says the idea has come from God Almighty.  A dozen  suicide volunteers are  infected in and smuggled out from West Africa  (best place to smuggle in and smuggle out) and injected with Ebola virus serum. A couple of Mullahs are selected  to  train them in the holy art of suicide war, to indoctrinate them how God loves and rewards such holy warriors. They are also trained with sample  questions God the Great would ask, how to answer them. In reward, God Almighty would reward them with beds with rivers flowing below, piles of dates and pomegranate by their side, and minimum forty eternal virgins and a few doe-eyed youth for their personal pleasure.

Mullahs gets Ebola from suicide volunteers trained and equipped  in West Africa, and in turn meet other Mullahs. Which leads to Ebola among Mullahs, Maulvis and the faithful. Fever, diarrhea.

Suicide volunteers with Ebolas fly to Kennedy airport. Three of them are oozing in their pants by the time they land and are quarrantined.

Others spread out. Quite a few Ebola cases in Manhattan. Panic. Times first page screams revenge out of helplessness. A few Americans some black, some white, most of them kaffir unbelievers, die. The suicide volunteers die with great satisfaction and reach heaven and are led directly to God for the rewards.

Since vifruses do not recognize divinity, nor care for virgins and doe-eyed boys, God the Great catches Ebola.

Animated  Scene of flood, chaos,  scenes of  great buildings collapsing, and piles of dates and pomegrades floating, , river that runs below rising above, eternal virgins  and doe-eyed youth crying for help and drowning.

Great Diarrhea, No God.  World peace.

Rolling credits.

SCENE 1, TAKE 1

Set : Oval Office.

Camera pans a robust  mahogany door, crest-fallen star-spangled banners on either side.  Golden motif of an angry eagle at the top of the door.

On the door hangs a hand-written  sign, which says :

“TOP SECRET MEETING. DO NOT ENTER”.,

In the background, Rap music that sounds like cannon shots – (For increased ticket sales in India, you can have Eminem sing one of his songs that start as a whisper and end up splitting ears. ).

Action. Camera 2

The door opens ever so slowly and silently. The head and shoulders of two men in grey suits, facing  a large  empty  presidential chair comes in view. Pan 180 degrees, past a vacant fire place, three curtained windows behind the President’s desk, another pair of crest-fallen flags behind  the empty chair, four curtained doors  in all directions. Pause suggestively at a row of secret cameras placed behind photographs of two George Bushes. 

Pause and focus suggestively on a pair of Russian-made rough shoes under the curtain of the  left-side door. Both this curtain and the shoes under them are hidden to the visitors and the President who will soon occupy the big chair with three windows behind.

Camera pauses again, facing the two men. One on the left – near-bald and stocky is John Brennan, Director of CIA.   To the right (to Brennan’ss left) is  salt-and-pepper haired John KERRY.  The screen displays their names and jobs by brief captions, retained long enough for American audience  to read and comprehend the English words.

KERRY;         (straining his eyes over his watch): thirty nine seconds  gone and no sign of him. Twenty years ago, he would be bringing us coffee.

BRENNAN:   Cut out the piracy, John. That is Clinton copyright. Say something new.”

KERRY:         All right. How ‘bout  this? Fifteen years ago, before he was senator,  a Ferguson  trooper would have shot him in the streets, no questions asked.

BRENNAN:  Don’t remind me. After that terrible  black guy –what’s his name? –Michael Whatever  was innocently shot by poor Darren Wilson in the street, Ferguson police requested us to make a video of a Black look-alike  looting a store. Since it was for public consumption, they said it had to look real genuine. It took us three days to find a look-alike,  then find a store man willing to shoot in his store, and then, finally – ugh – the shooting. Shooting the video, I mean, not the look-alike. The guy we found was not much of a look-alike, so we had to make the video hazy and show only his back. He was much older than this Michael Whatever, so we got the face made blanked out – not that  the guy was not black enough –  when  he turned around to face  the camera to kick the fake security who pretended to try and stop him. Gosh, I couldn’t sleep that night – no, not because of a bad conscience, but because the video didn’t come out quite right.

KERRY:         But it worked with the public, at least with the white public. That’s what mattered..

In the back ground:

“GENTLEMEN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!”

Enters OBAMA.  Wears a light-colored suit worn without tie, beneath  a sheepish smile.

 Brennan  and  Kerry hesitantly stand up’

OBAMA : Good morning, John. Good Morning, other John. I am sorry. You know, Michelle wants her coffee and toast in bed at 8.30 sharp. This morning, after getting the fussy kids to go brush their teeth, I was so occupied with the thought of this top secret meeting, that the toast got burnt just a little. That got her goat, you know, she gets her goat every morning since she was elected the First Lady. Then there was the usual – you know, man and wife thing.

KERRY:         Good morning, Mr. President.  I hope you kissed and made up.

OBAMA:         I  kissed. She had no make-up.

BRENNAN:   Good morning, Mr. President.

OBAMA :        Tell me what’s good this morning. (wipes a stain of coffee from the lapel of his jacket with the back of his hand). Something from the friendly surveillance system that that Sonofa… my good friend George got installed.

BRENNAN:   We got a clear video of Merkel  and Sauer  in what might be called mild lip lock. Audio wasn’t clear, but we suspect  that Markel  was suggesting a  holiday trip of some sort, and Sauer  appeared delighted..

OBAMA :          Who is this Sauer? A third angle in an affair ? Hey, this is breaking news!  Where was  her husband Merkel??

BRENNAN: : Sorry, sir. Joachim Sauer is her husband. Ulrich Merkel was her unlucky first, who is now probably eating his heart out since  she became the chancellor. (tries to laugh at his own joke, but gives up).

OBAMA  (grandly, though somewhat disappointed):       Cut the gossip. What good gossip  has your friendly surveillance system  ever brought us any way?  That Sonofa.. my good friend George started it for God knows what purpose, and I keep getting  the rap from that Merkel woman though I never even tried to squeeze her shoulders.  That Aussie what’s-his-name Abbot kept lecturing  me about it,  I couldn’t half make out what he was saying. Something about not snooping on friends, I guess. I said, yeah, yeah, it’s bad to snoop, but George only intended to snoop on the Gillard woman. That pleased him. He asked me if we found something. I said -yeah, I said I would ask George and let him know. (Pretends to thumbs a file in front of him). Let’s be serious. Tell me what’s happening in  Iraq and Syria – what’s left of those countries that the Sonofa …my good friend George has left for me.

KERRY:         We are bombing the hell out of those Islamic State guys in both places, and they are advancing steadily.

OBAMA (turning to Brennan):        You tell me. This guy  packs tons of gifts and dollar bills for kings and presidents and chiefs  and flies around in his special plane all over the  world, and brings only the worst news. Even Michelle and the kids don’t use my Air Force One so much. We are bombing from the latest planes in the world, and they are advancing ! Bah, some news!

BRENNAN:   Not Kerry’s fault. We bomb them so that they would retreat.  A couple of them die along with the usual collateral damage of a few hundred men women and children, but the rest of them advance to the next town. They take it that we’re clearing the place for them. A mole told us that their leader – Abu something, was hiding in a hospital. We bombed the hospital to kingdom come. The patients, nurses, doctors, kids, women – all – Kaput. The Abu sonofabitch  wasn’t there, we got only a couple of his co…. you know, suckers..

OBAMA :        Boo-hoo. We borrowed a trillion more dollars from China and printed another trillion-and-a-half  to put those new-fangled machines in the air , not to burn hospitals, but  to bomb them bastards to the middle ages.

KERRY:        That’s the problem, Mr. President. Those Islamic State guys are already in the middle ages, and want to  suicide-bomb  us all back to there. That’s what the war is all about.

OBAMA:         For god sake let’s have some good news. I hope Putin finds himself in deep soup after all those sanctions we put on him.

Brenna :         That’s even worse. He’s celebrating it with the Chinese.  China is printing more Rinmbing whatever to replace dollars to  trade with Russia, then with India, Malaysia, Indonesia, Srilanka.  If, all those Asian yellows and brownies do not want our dollars to trade, what use our printing them? That’s what Warren Buffet meant when he said our economy is gonna sink.

OBAMA:         No racism, please. You are mouthing  Republican nonsense . Warren is out to make the economy dip when I am in the White House.  We can continue to borrow and  then print money to pay interest – at least till my term expires. Anyway, for what Hillary has been saying lately, she needs to do some sweating when she is in this chair. Tell me something juicy that our friendly surveillance system caught from Moscow. Tell me that Putin is bending.

BRENNAN (turning paler than his usual pink): I am ashamed to tell you this, Mr. President. Putin is bending, but only literally. He zeroed in on our camera.

OBAMA :        And removed it? What kind of intelligence setup have you if you can’t even hide a damn spy camera?

BRENNAN:   No, he didn’t find it, it’s well hidden,  only got a fix on it.  The camera is still in place.  Every time he walks into his office, he closes the door, faces away from the direction of the camera, bends forward, bares his bottom towards the camera – our camera – and shouts: potzelui!

OBAMA:         What the hell does that mean?

BRENNAN:   My office researched. We found that it means something like  KISS MY….in Russian

OBAMA:         These Russians are vulgar, they must be included in the Axis of Evil coined by  that Sonofa..

BRENNAN:   Your good friend George.

OBAMA:         Yes. But you got cameras in their Military Headquarters in Moscow, officers’ clubs, men’s messes, newspaper offices, public libraries, that’s what the Son…my good friend George’s secret briefing led me to believe..

BRENNAN:   Mr. President, I was going to tell you that. Every one of the cameras has been spotted. It’s become a military ritual in Russia that before each meal  officers and men, peasants and laborers parade in front of our cameras with bared bottoms and shout potzelui!

OBAMA sits with his hands on his head,  sighing loudly..

OBAMA (after a pause, but not looking up ):       Think of it, If Putin tells Kim-Jong- Un, he would spot the cameras and we would have to kiss those yellow bottoms as well!

A woman’s call from behind the scene : “Barak, are you coming or not? I want you to serve my breakfast. Gah-tit? !”

OBAMA (Absent-mindedly):  Gah-tit, darling, gah-tit. (To Kerry)  What else is on the agenda for this meeting?

KERRY :        Ebola

OBAMA:         (Shaken) Who is she? Don’t mention any such female names around the White House. You know Michelle.

BRENNAN:   Mr. President, our intelligence research has found that  Ebola  is a terrible disease, a deadly scourge, now killing millions in West Africa.

KERRY (guffaws) : That’s some research. Not millions, but thousands so far but could turn out to be millions. It’s all over CNN. Sir, we fear that Ebola will be the next WMD that those back-to-middle-ages army, ISIS might use against the United States. That would be worse than nine-eleven, and we would have no defense against it.

OBAMA :        What do you mean no defense? We have the greatest air power in the world, enough nukes to destroy the Solar System, and our army is willing to teach anybody else to fight on the ground ever since body bags arrived because of that Sonofa..I mean my good friend George started a stupid personal war with Saddam.

KERRY.         Mr. President, picture this. They get a few indoctrinated suicide idiots to volunteer for Ebola injection. Then they travel to New York, Washington, Chicago, ‘Frisco. Ebola spreads like wild fire. Do I have to complete the picture for you?

OBAMA:         Don’t say  that. That Indian guy who gave me the monkey god had warned me that we should never expect or say anything ominous, think positive, is what he said, while standing on his head.  We can’t all stand on our heads, but we can think positive, can’t we? That said, I hope that Bobby Jindal, the only Indian I dislike,  stands on his head and breaks his neck. I say, a simple solution to this Ebola problem is:  Don’t allow anyone, particularly colored Muslims -African or Arab , even if there are people named Hussein among them, into the United States. Period.

BRENNAN:   My intelligence research shows that there are plenty of white suicide idiots, with Christian passports and Muslim second, third and fourth names,  volunteering  for ISIS. Promise of forty virgins per head has induced many young Americans and Britons to want to go to heaven ASAP. They’ve been brainwashed that there are no virgins in America and Europe.

KERRY:         This time your intelligence hits it on the head on two counts. The guy who shows off his beheading skills on the television is a white Briton.

OBAMA :        Those Britons are mad. They still consult Tony Blair about what to do in Iraq. Next they will telephone the Sonofa… my good friend George for checking with him,

BRENNAN:   That’s right. Britons are stupid, otherwise why did they bring tea to Boston? We only drink coffee.

BRENNAN:   That white head-chopping Briton is not as mad as some of our white Americans who walk into crèches and nurseries and shoot little children. Even without the promise of forty virgins per head.

OBAMA :        I know, I know. Next you’re gonna talk about police officers who shoot unarmed blacks.

BRENNAN:   (Indignantly) No, I wasn’t going to say that . We have a video that shows that Michael Brown was not innocent. He had looted a store for a couple of cigars, which was why he was shot in the street, unarmed, hands up and crouching as if he was a traffic offender..Served him right, if you ask me.

(KERRY chuckles suggestively until the audience understand why he chuckles. In the background, a black-and white clip of John Brennen directing the video shoot.).

Just as  the B&W clip of a scene fades, enters Michelle sans makeup, her jaws firmly in place, hair in curls, hands on hip.

MICHELLE :  I am a lawyer. Mr. Brennen, Let’s say Michael Brown stole two cigars. Tell me, which state in the United States awards capital punishment for stealing cigars? That too without trial?

All three male heads – bald, gray and close-cropped – bow down in shame.

MICHELLE:     Mr. John Brennan, I am asking you.

BRENNAN (without looking up) :     I understand that there is some such law among the IPD troopers in Ferguson. To prove the point, they have shot one more gentleman under the same law.

MICHELLE : A black gentleman, of course.

KERRY (also without looking up): I heard they’re planning to give some sort of an award to Darren Wilson for bravery. For courageously getting two unarmed blacks in two weeks in the face of stiff opposition, is what the citation would say.

MICHELLE (stamps a foot in disgust):  And why not four more blacks in the White House?

OBAMA:         Please, darling, no ominous talk. Think positive, is what the Indian advised me while standing on his head. Those Indians, you know, are wise. Spellalthon, Mathematics..Brain Outsourcing and all that.. Also Never forget that all four presidents who were shot in the White House were white.

MICHELLE:   Shut up Barak, if you don’t end this stupid secret meeting on black shooting as if it were duck shooting  this minute and serve me and the kids our  breakfast before they leave for school,  I’m gonna divorce you. That’s a promise!

MICHELLE marches out angrily. All heads are raised.

OBAMA (hands on the table, straight-faced, trying hard to turn pale with embarrassment):     You know these women. They never keep that promise. Gentlemen, under the circumstances, I have urgent work, but  this top secret meeting is not concluded. We will reconvene after I send  kids to school and Michelle out for shopping.

OBAMA exits.

From behind  the screen :

LADIES, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES ! !!

Sound of a woman and two teenagers chuckling in background. Clanging of plates and cutlery..

Brennan and Kerry nod to each other, smile and walk out.

Camera pans the  curtain with Russian shoes underneath.  A lean young man in rough Russian shoes carrying an ancient  dictaphone emerges. Caption at the bottom of the screen reads: ‘

EDWARD SNOWDEN, EX-CIA. SUPER SPY

A security guard in uniform emerges from the other secret door.

Guard  (stretching his hand, speaking in hoarse whisper)            Man, let me see ya out through the secret-most door.

Snowden hands him a large bundle of dollar bills,. which the guard  accepts gratefully, but then pauses and frowns.

Guard (staring at the photo on the bills):       Who  be the president, partner?

Snowden :       This is the only dollar bill that will pay your bills a couple of years from now. Keep it safe.

Guard :       Yea, ,  surtenly. No hurry to spend all these dead presidents too soon. Guess will keep them when ma girlie goes to collige. Look like the photo  be Benjamin Franklin after a haircut.  This Benjamin eyes are a bit small, but that ain’t nothin’, Guess that’d be OK. for my girlie’s collige when the time comes. Thanks a million, man, Eddy boy , though I didn’t do this for money, but ’cause you worked around hea before and you been allays kind. Guess ya got many friends here.

(He points to  Snowden the secret door).     

Take care, buddy, don’t  let ya boots make no sound.

Snowden nods and moves gingerly.

Screen fades while in the background Eminem raps something that sounds like a fiercer and louder version of “Cleaning out my Closet”.

NO BHARAT RATNA FOR KALYANASUNDARAM

August 16, 2014

Kalyanasundaram

The life story of Palam Kalyanasundaram is an incredible saga. Not to worry; it’s the credible-sounding ones from VIPs and celebrities  that turn out to be lies.

Kalyanasundaram started paying the school fees of a few children from his village, not for charity he says – but because he needed company for the ten-kilometre walk to school and back. Then the habit stuck. When he got the job of a librarian, he put away his salary for giving to the poor. I suppose he was not all that well to do, one report says that on returement he served at tables in a restaurant to make own ends meet.

His job won him many accolades. He was adjudged the best librarian in India (one recognition from the Government of India); United Nations named him One of the Most Outstanding People of the 20th century. An American organization awarded him money amounting to RS. 30  crores, which he promptly donated to charity.Whether he qualifies to the title of The Man of the Millennium as awarded by Rotary Club of India I cannot say, but his Lifetime Achievement Award sits well on him. 

I guess that Kalyanasundaram’s extraordinary magnanimity must have been known to the Government  – Central as well as Tamil Nadu – for at least 45 years. His fame reached the shores of North America, but apparently not Rashtrapati Bhavan nor the South Block. The poor guy cannot and has no time for lobbying in Parliament canteen and probably no inclination to touch Amma’s feet. I suppose The Best Librarian Award is considered good enough by those in authority.

Perhaps not carrying a burden of Padma-Something or Bharat Something award actually goes to the honour of Librarian Kalyanasundaram. Why bracket him with film actors who simply mouth other people’s scripts, iip-sync songs in mismatched voices  and let some poor guys do their dangerous stunts? Why, indeed, with politicians whose foul deeds are whispered in the corridors of North and South Blocks and cricketers who hold nearly as many records for ducks as for centuries?

IF A JUDGE BE A DICTATOR….ISN’T THAT OMINOUS?

August 6, 2014

.

Some three years ago, Hegde-Kageri, a BJP Minister of education in Karnataka State, justifying his intention to introduce Bhagavad Gita as a school curriculum announced:

“This Country believes in the Gita. Those who oppose it and believe in philosophies that are not of this country can go there and propagate them”.

Immediately thereafter, a Minister of Madhya Pradesh announced his decision to introduce Surya Namaskar in all schools.

Shortly before General election, Giriraj Singh, a BJP leader from Bihar told an election rally in Jharkhand:

Those who want to stop Narendra Modi from becoming prime minister will have no place in India in the coming days. They will only have place in Pakistan”

If you vote for an opposition, you will be exiled to Pakistan, period.

Barely a couple of weeks ago, On 24th July, Goa Minister Deepak Dhavalikar of the BJP announced in the State Assembly:

“If we all support it and we stand by Narendra Modi systematically, then I feel a Hindu Rashtra will be established,”

Explaining this statement, but not regretting it, Defence and Finance Minister Arun Jaitley told NDTV:

Don’t judge us by stray incidents like the Goa minister’s comment, judge us by what the mainstream players are doing

That was an elusive statement from a minister who holds two of the most important portforlios, and an eminent lawyer, who should know the effect such a statement could lead to . Isn’t a minister of a state from the party a mainstream player?

Now the final call of it all, Justice Anil R Dave of the Supreme Court said:

Had I been the dictator of India, I would have introduced Gita and Mahabharata in Class I. That is the way you learn how to live life. I am sorry if somebody says I am secular or I am not secular. But we have to get good things from everywhere……….“Our old tradition such as guru-shishya parampara (teacher-student tradition) is lost; if it had been there, we would not have had all these problems in our country,”

If you didn’t know, the Hon’ble Judge was making his speech at an elite forum: “International conference on ‘contemporary issues and challenges of human rights in the era of globalization”, not at a shakha meeting.

Justice Dave is not a layman, but a judge of the Supreme Court of India, and he holds great credentials. He served the Gujarat High Court as a prominent lawyer, Lectured in a Gujarat Law college during all those nineteen years, served first as a judge of Gujarat High Court, then as Chief Justice of Andhra Pradesh High Court, Chancellor of NALSAR University of Law, CJ of Bombay High Court (2 months) and subsequently elevated to the Supreme Court of India IN 2010. As per the new rules, he retires in 2019, and stands a chance to become the CJI. The Hon’ble judge was on a bench that released a Pakistani prisoner who was languishing in India even after serving his term, rebuking those perpetuated such illegal action, and served notice on Mr. Narendra Modi (then the Chief Minister of Gujarat) to attend court in the well known case, and then recalled the notice.

It must be expected and considered that whatever this august person pronounces in a public forum is his well considered view, legal and logical.

Analysing the logic and legality,

“Had I been a dictator” (I would introduce Gita and Mahabharata from Class 1)

Logically,and by direct implication, the Hon’ble Judge has no objection to being a dictator, apparently he desires to be one since it could produce results, and then by one stroke of his pen he could introduce Gita and Mahabharata, thereby ensuring that “we would not have had all these problems facing the Country.”

Furthermore, he would also introduce the guru-shishya parambara (where a student learns all that he has to learn by living with, serving and learning from a teacher through his entire student life).

Think about it, a Supreme Court judge is a virtual dictator when he deals with a case that is brought before him. There is (normally) no scope for appeal. Hypothetically, if Mr. Subramanian Swamy files a case (as is his wont) that Gita and Mahabharata should be taught in all government-owned , government-aided, and all public schools in India, and the case appears before this judge, with a brother judge of the same views on the bench, he could order the government to admit Swami’s plea and order that the Government  implement the order straight away

Nothing stops a Prime Minister of the Country on a future date  (witness Indira Gandhi), inspired by this judicial wisdom, from advising the President to order internal emergency and issue an ordinance that Gita and Mahabharata be taught, “because that is the way you learn to live life”’

Nothing stops a President of India some time in future (witness Zail Singh contemplating dismissal of Rajiv Gandhi government and taking over the reins of power with a rubber stamp cabinet), inspired by these pearls of wisdom, becoming a dictator just for the pleasure of solving all problems of India by the single stroke of introducing Gita and Mahabharata, dismissing the multitude of teachers lecturers and professors and replacing them all with a single guru for, say,  groups of  ten resident students (who will not know girls since historically girls do not belong to the Guru-Shishya parambara) till they grow up, marry obedient (and unlettered because there is no place for them in the said parampara) wives and become lawyers, engineers, judges and doctors, not to forget priests Ministers and Governors.

Not that education starting with holy religious books have not been introduced by a dictator before. When General Zia-ul-Haq took over the dictatorship of Pakistan he introduced compulsory learning of Quran from class I (as if the children were already not learning it in Madrassas), adding that religious education should receive priority. Notice how all problems of Pakistan have been solved ever since.

“Because that is the way you learn how to live life”

What is the way? Mahabharata, probably the best and the most complex classic of all times is  magnificently representative of the times: A story of illicit relationships, child pregnancy and abandonment of the newborn, polyandry, polygamy, casteism, treachery, gambling away wife and brothers by ‘good’ man, gory murders, illicit relations with wild tribes by the heroes, unjust battles, violation of laws of war, fratricide, treacherous killing of Patriarch, uncles, teachers and faithful friends, cannibalism by drinking the blood of the vanquished, and victory of the undeserving. (It is another matter that in history the victors become the deserving). The epic is certainly exciting reading, much like Tolstoy’s story of unfaithful Anna Karenina is good reading, but certainly no way to lead a good life.

In Gita, the Divine Person renders a discourse at length how non-violence is cowardice, why it is good Karma to kill your cousins and relatives, that being your duty. Also because by dying one doesn’t die, only changes clothes, so it is OK to kill.

Some way to live good life.

“We would not have had all these problems facing the Country.

I rented my house to a young Bengali Hindu family, including their pious old mother, leaving behind complete DVD volumes of the famous Mahabharat serial because they were too many to carry, and , after all, I was only renting the house. The same evening, the young man found me out while I was leaving for the airport, with all the volumes in a huge bundle. Along with it was a marble carving of “Gitopadesh”, depicting Krishna, as the charioteer, and Arjuna, listening to the famous discourse, which I had forgotten behind.

Mataji says it is dangerous to keep these in the house. It will lead to domestic quarrels,” he apologized.

Apparently the pious old lady thought that keeping the book was no way for peaceful living.  My saying that the DVDs were with me for more than three years and that we had no quarrel in the house (apart from occasional bickerings) did not cut ice with the young man.

When I recounted this incident, a wise Guru of  my doctor friend told me : “You should listen to the interpretations of Mahabharat by knowledgeable Gyanis. Never read it  by yourself“. You would not understand the inner meanings“.

That made sense. I know of  at least one Christian sect in Kerala that bans their faithful from reading the Bible on their own. The ignorant sheep would fail to understand the inner meanings of why God asked his favourite tribes to kill all other people, “men women and children, babies in the womb and cattle, by the edge of your sword“.

“I am sorry If somebody says I am secular or unsecular”.

Get the meaning of those words : If somebody says I am secular, I am sorry. If he says I am not secular, I am sorry too.

That conditionality, I beg to submit, does not apply to a learned and esteemed judge bound by the Constitution of India.

The catch lies in the fact that the said “I” is a judge of the highest court of India. The said “I” had solemnly sworn on oath that “ I do swear in the name of God /solemnly affirm that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the Constitution of India as by law established,”.

Now the Constitution of India as by law established is very clear in the opening sentence of its Preamble:

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, HAVING SOLEMNLY RESOLVED TO CONSTITUTE INDIA INTO A SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC…

There is no if’s and buts in the Constitution. Let us not forget that while the Constitution Drafting Committe was chaired by a consciencious Buddhist who converted with obvious disregard for the two lofty epics, it also had four Hindu Brahmins and only one Muslim in the Committee and that the advisor was another Hindu Brahmin. None of them, nor the 308 members who signed the Constitution had expressed sorrow in being ‘secular or unsecular”; nor was any objection raised to the explicit clause that there should be no religious education in government schools.

I humbly submit, Your Honour, that your speech goes against your solemn oath to preserve the constitution with its secular ideal enshrined in the Preamble and in at least half a dozen sections of our Constitution, none of which has been amended till date.

That speech by a sitting judge, I humbly submit, is an ominous sign.

WE’RE IN IT TOGETHER, PAKISTAN

June 1, 2014

 

You caught a couple, stoned the woman to death

With a baby in her belly, but gave the man some breadth.

We don’t wear bangles either,  you  men of Pakistan,

We can do just as bad or worse   in our secular  Hindustan.

 

Two girls, fourteen and sixteen, walked out in the dark

‘Cause gov’ment gives teevees,  but no lavatory

We caught them on their way to the nearest patch

Raped the sweet young’uns and strung them up a tree.

 

Your men in Khaki looked on or leaned on their lathi

When the stoning went on, their hearts filled with glee.

When told that the girls didn’t come home , our men in khaki

Rushed out and found them and quickly joined the party

 

You whipped a woman for wearing no veil and her hair down

We did one better , when told there in a bar is a party

Ask Muthalik, he would be in gov’ment but for some clowns.

We dragged out  the women and  whipped’em  all to  putty

 

Mullah  gets a woman stoned when he wants another Biwi

Here we smother girls when they’re new born babies

Don’t put your head in shame, you guys  from  Pakistan,

We don’t wear bangles either,  we  men of Hindustan

GOD IS MERCIFUL, A PREGNANT WOMAN STONED TO DEATH

May 28, 2014

Yesterday, a 25-year old pregnant woman who had gone to the Lahore High Court in Pakistan to testify that She had married her husband by choice and had not been kidnapped, was dragged out by her relatives and stoned to death while the police looked on. Her husband escaped.

Her crime? She disobeyed her parents and married on her own.

BBC showed the blood-stained court premises where the ghastly scene was played out. The father of the woman presented himself to the police, proclaiming his brave deed. He might not be punished. Hundreds of grown up women are stoned and hacked every year in Pakistan, says the BBC, and none has been punished.

A lady panelist from Pakistan said : “There are two kinds of laws in Pakistan: One for the public, and another for  what happens among family members. What happens among family members is settled within the family by some compensation to a relative of the victim.” The father who cast the first stone will pay himself blood money and the matter could be settled. Mashallah, that is Shariah Law!

Another panelist, answering Nagaratnam Chetty, the BBC news reader and anchor, expressed his horror and asked:  “Where in Islam is such a punishment mentioned?”

Good question, sir, well put.

Clearly, by marrying on her own and not in obedience to her parents is the most serious crime and sin in Islam. Abu Bakr, the Prophet’s favourite and the first man to convert to Islam, is thus quoted:

It is narrated that the Prophet (PBUH) said, “Allah postpones the punishment for one’s sins till the Day of Judgment if He so desires. But He (will) award the punishment for disobeying the parents during this life, before his death.” 

(http://the-ideal-teenager.blogspot.com/2010/08/did-you-know-that-disobeying-parents.html)  

Abu Bakr clarified that the son who disobeyed his parents will face punishment twice  for the heinous crime –  first before his death at the hands of man, and second after death by the judgment of God.

However, the Prophet has not specifically mentioned death by stoning for this grievous combination of crime and sin.

What, then, prescribes stoning by death for disobedience to parents?

The Holy Bible does. Deutoronomy 21:18-21 says:

 “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him,19his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20They shall say to the elders, “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard.” 21Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. . 

 Note that the son need not be a drunkard, only stubborn and rebellious as this pregnant Pakistani woman was. The Holly book permits the false accusation (of being drunkard) against him  to justify the stoning. What is right for the son  is even more right for the daughter, for she is the one who was awarded a bigger punishment for the original sin by God.  See Genesis 3:16

Jesus redefined  and moderated the law of “eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”. However, he had said nothing against stoning to death.

“He who hasn’t sinned, let him cast the first stone” (John, 8:7) is not to condemn stoning as a means of punishment, only to condemn the nature and pevalence of the crime. Actually, the Saviour hesitated before finding this escape route. He also said:

For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death”.  (Matthew, 15:4)

We do not know if the woman cursed her parents, but she surely disobeyed and brought dishonour. Remember,  Jesus had also said:

Do not think that I have come to do away with the laws of Moses and the teachings of prophets. I have not come to do away with them, but to make their teachings come true.”(Matthew 5:17)

The Holy Quran praises the Holy ‘Book’ and accepts its authority (with some historical corrections).  Practically every punishment mentioned in Quran is a moderated version of the punishment demanded by the prophets of the Book. In Quran, at least, prescription of  punishment is followed by the words to the effect: “If you forgive, God is merciful”. No such caveat exists in the Holy Bible.

So Mr. Panelist of the BBC, the brutal punishment meted out to this unfortunate woman and her baby in her womb is prescribed very much in the Bible, has been certified by Jesus Christ, and carried out by this Muslim man and his family in broad day light outside a court of justice in accordance with the Holy Scripture sacred to both religions.

Amen.

 

WHY I REMEMBER CORPORAL HUSSEIN

May 10, 2014

WHY I REMEMBER CORPORAL HUSSEIN

May 10, 2014

At 11:28 sharp on 4th December 1971, the civilian truck  bearing me in the garb of a truck cleaner stopped at the gate  barrier of an Air Force Station deep in the Eastern front. Twelve civilian trucks, carrying armaments  enough to devastate half a country hidden behind hay stacks,  that had kept safe distances between each other through the  long and tedious travel were now lining up, one by one, behind us  as if on a parade. It was biting cold, and my shoes felt wet as though they had been through a puddle, my left leg had nearly gone to sleep. I was wearing greasy civilian clothes and a lose jute jacket against the cold. The driver beside me was better equipped against the damp Eastern winter. My apparel could not have fooled anyone if we had been molested in the deep jungles on the way. I had a loaded Sten gun slung on my shoulder with spare magazines on my side, and a revolver under the jacket.

The lone Defence Security Corps guard, alerted by the sound of the trucks, stood ready to challenge. An aircraftsman on unwilling guard duty stood by his side – his rifle, an ancient 303, pointing at me. He let the challenging to the professional DSC guard.

“Halt,” the guard shouted. “Chaar kadam peeche chalo”. Go back by four steps.

I did. He was following the procedure.

Pay book neeche dalo,” he said. Air Force people did not carry pay books for identity. But I knew what he meant. I dropped my identity card in front of him.

He bent down and picked it up. The situation was funny. He was carrying another  antique  303. If he cocked the rifle, I did not hear the double-click. I had this loaded automatic machine, magazine in place, ready to fire, my finger on the trigger. The young airman had probably never handled a rifle after his training days.

The guard bent down, rifle loosely held by his side, and picked up the card as I stood patiently till he laboriously read the English words in the identity card in a faint torch light. All electric lights had been turned off, wartime procedure, and one had to depend on sky lights. Probably out of pride he didn’t seek the help of the young airman.

“Password?”

I whispered in his ears the password that was given to me on the way at Gohati. (Now Guwahati).

The guard strained his eyes at his watch and gave up. “Term kya hai?”, he asked. “What is the time?”.

Gyarah-Bathees,” I said. Eleven Thirty-two.

Accha hua. Barah baje password badal jata. Agar aap yahi bolte tho aap ko hamein goli maarna padta,”  he said, in good cheer. Good.  At twelve the password would change. Then we would have had to shoot you.

“Haan ji,  Mein ne choodi pehani hai.  ,” I said, just as cheerfully, quoting the Punjabi phrase of taunt:  Yes and I am wearing bangles.

In those days, only women wore bangles. Women with  bangles signified cowardice. May be the Queen of Jhansi who bravely fought the British didn’t wear bangles.

I walked in to the guardroom, where a young Corporal with the tell-tale white cross-belt of a policeman had evidently woken up from sleep and stood up. He picked up his white peak-cap and put it on.

“Sergeant Biswanath? We were expecting you, Sarge”, he said peevishly.

“How do you know I am Sergeant Viswanathan? You didn’t check my identity.”

“The guard checked it.”

“ How do you know that?  Corporal, you were sleeping on duty, in war time. However, we will deal with that later. Call the orderly officer. These trucks cannot wait outside.”

As the police Corporal, his hand shaking,  picked up the telephone and was trying to get the orderly officer through a sleeping telephone exchange, I noticed the man in the corner , in a black jersey over  summer uniform. His shoulders were hunched forward,  chin tucked over his chest against the cold. The sleeves of his jersey concealed his rank.

It took me some time to recognize the face in the near-dark room. Hussein.  Just as thin and wiry as twelve years before. The best football  forward in the training school, later the best in the Air Force. Nearly every goal scored by the trainee team against staff team in the station, against civilian teams in Bangalore, bore the foot marks of Aircraftsman Class 2 Under Training Hussein of the WOMII squad. Later, Hussein’s name appeared off-and-on  in Station Routine Orders for his achievements in Inter-command, Inter-services and national tournaments.

“What are you doing here, Hussein?” I asked.

He looked up. “”Viswanathan. Sorry, Sarge. I lost my identity card, yaar. I reported the matter from Gohati  by telephone. I was told to report to the guard room here. I‘ve been standing here in the cold for the last three hours. This chap says he has no information and won’t let me in.”

“Don’t say chap, bloody, ,” said the officious police Corporal, who had just put down the phone. “Say Koppal,  and don’t say yaar to Sergeant”.

In the Indian Air Force, they called a Corporal  Koppal in poor imitation of the RAF way of pronouncing the word with  the r’s ever so faintly.

“How dare you, “ I challenged, “To talk like that to  a Senior NCO, Segeant Hussein?”

Hussein should have got his SNCO status six months before me.

“Vishu, I am not Sergeant. I flunked the bloody sergeant’s education test three times. Too busy with football.”

“You, don’t say bloody Sergeant Education Test” said the Corporal in fake service pride, probably to please me so I won’t report him. “Sarge, this Muslim has come without identity card. He is a bloody spy.”

“Don’t say bloody,” I repeated after him. “I know this NCO. He was a trainee in a senior batch. If you look through your old Station Routine orders you will find his name for winning matches for the Air Force in Inter-services. He is not a sergeant because he was spending time bringing credit to the service through sports.”

Losing identity card , whatever one’s rank, that too in war time, was a serious crime. If the card landed up in the hands of an enemy agent, results could be disastrous.  Hussein, despite his achievements in sports, wouldn’t escape punishment. That was no reason why an acting-unpaid Corporal should be insulting him and making him stand and shiver in a corner of the open guard room.

The Orderly Officer , a young Flight Lieutenant, drove up in his jeep. He rushed in , and I greeted him with a good evening.

“Good evening, Sergeant. My, what disguise. Ridiculous. You can put down the Sten gun down now, please. I am glad you came through the jungles in one piece. Too risky. The armament officer was waiting for you till half an hour ago. He and his fitter-armourers are on the way. After they have come you can go to the Senior’s mess and change into some decent clothes. They are keeping your dinner waiting”.

I will have my dinner, I mused with some feeling of guilt, but Hussein, the ace sportsman and senior to me in service, will go hungry.

The officer  turned to the standing policeman. “Cor’pral, check the truck numbers and let them in one by one. They can line up inside close to the runway and not out in the open till the Armament officer decides what to do. Please also bring the Sergeant’ luggage.“

In the Indian Air Force those days, officers and men spoke English differently. Officers said Cor’pral, Airmen said Koppal. Officers said Ray-der for Radar, men said Red-aahr for the same thing. Officers played tennis, or if they could, golf. Men played football and volley ball. Even at work, officers spoke through  the  neither-here-nor-there ranks called Warrant officers, or, at worst cases, through Senior NCOs, who got the work done. Messes were placed far apart. Officers’ toilets were taboo for men even in emergency, and the former wouldn’t even think of looking into the latter’s loos. Most of the time. Seniors used the word ‘bloody’ to balance their sentences or to display anger while the juniors did the balancing by interjecting a Hindi word, except between peers. Unlike in the railways, The F word was seldom used. The military code drawn up by the British and practised by Indians was a pirated version of Manusmriti.  Yet when some communication between the two castes did take place, they managed to understand each other.

The officer turned to Hussein. “What happened to your bloody identity card?”

“I am on temporary duty here to repair one of your DF ground equipment, Sir. I was told that your equipment is down and  this is an emergency.   I caught the first train, travelled third class because there was no place in second class, squeezing myself between civilians. I lost my trunk between Barrackpore and Gohati. It was stolen at some station in between. The identity card was in the trunk.“

“How do we know that you are the Hussein who has come to repair the DF equipment? You could be anyone who stole Hussein’s identity. May be you have come to blast the equipment.”

“If I stole Hussein’s identity, I would be holding his identity card, Sir,” Hussein pleaded.

“Don’t argue with an officer,” said the officious police Corporal, acting unpaid, who had just returned after passing the instructions to the head driver. The airman on guard duty reluctantly brought my luggage.

“I know this Corporal Hussein, Sir,” I intervened. “He was one batch senior to me in the wireless training centre. Any footballer worth his name in this Station would be able to identify him.”

“Sarge, I believe you. There is a war on. The enemy is pounding us on the Western Front. What they are doing to their own people in East Pakistan I don’t need to tell you. If  this airman lost his identity card so carelessly, sleeping in the train when a war is on and losing his identity card, he will be severely punished. The card should have been on his person, not in a bloody trunk. The Civilians in the train could have been East Pakistan refugees, among them spies. How do you know that he has not changed since you met him last in the training centre ?  They are brainwashing our people all the time. You have come in with valuable top secret property, that’s all I know. I don’t even know what it is, because I don’t need to know. You might know it because somebody up there trusts you enough  to escort it all the way here. That’s how we work in the service. Know only what you need to know.”

He had probably learnt those words in the officers’ training college.  The need-to-know principle,  always valid, but not too relevant to the occasion. If he really meant what he said, he should not have mentioned in the presence of a person whom he suspected to be a spy that I had brought in top secret property.

“How can I trust this man, without even an identity card with a photo, enter this field station? How can you tell he has not turned a spy?”

“Spies carry identity cards and don’t lose them on the way. Pakistan won’t engage a Hussein for spying. They would know that a Muslim would be the first suspect,” I said.

The Corporal didn’t tell me not to argue with an officer. He was busy worrying whether I would report that he was asleep on duty at a time like this.

“I have a simple test, Sir”, Said a Police Flight Sergeant who had just walked in, in uniform, but his head in a non-regulation monkey-cap against the cold. Evidently the corporal had called him for help.

After saluting the officer, the Flight Sergeant  braced up as if to fire a telling shot.

“Let me ask him this one question, Sir: Corporal Hussein, do you or do you not hate Pakistan?”

Hussein looked up at him and appeared to hesitate.

“One word. Do you or don’t you hate Pakistan – a Muslim Country?”

Hussein had obviously chosen his answer. He said:

“Flight, If you are asking me if I hate Pakistan because it is a Muslim country, no, I don’t.  If you are asking me if I will fight  it because it is an enemy of India, my Country, yes,  I will fight  it, and, Inshallah,  I will fight Pakistan to my death.”

The words have no relevance today, yet I remember Corporal Hussein not for his football skills, not for being my senior and yet bearing a junior rank because he flunked Sergeant’s education tests several times, but for those words.

 

 

How Supreme Court foiled my relationship with the Living God.

May 6, 2014

The man sitting by my side at Hong Kong airport had been eyeing me for some time. Probably in his forties, he wore a grey suit without tie on a lanky frame. His face was rather oriental though with large bulging eyes; skin not light enough to be Chinese and not pink enough to be ‘white’.

Perhaps I stared back for a moment; he seemed to be pleased with it and nudged closer.  Then he noticed the passport I was holding up above my handbag as a sign for recognition by the Chinese driver who was to pick me up.

“Can I take a look?” he asked, pointing at the passport.

Bloody hell, I thought, somebody from the Customs or immigration. But I had nothing to fear. My visa was in perfect order. I was carrying nothing but some old clothes and a toothbrush. Yet I panicked a little.

I handed him the passport.

He flicked the pages like a professional card player flicks cards. He paused for just a moment at the first page, flicked back the cover and returned it.

“Indian,” he said.

“Yes”.

“Menon, Hindu.”

“Good detective work”.

He ignored the sarcasm. I was beginning to guess what the guy was up to.

“How many gods do you pray to, Mr. Menon?”

This was getting even more interesting. I no longer wished that the driver would land up any minute soon.

“Depends,“ I said, pretending to be in thought. “May be a hundred, may be ten thousand”.

“Wrong, Mr. Menon. Sixteen thousand and eight. Krishna, Buddha, Lingam ..Some male, some female.”

I patted his thigh. “Amazing. You hit the nail on the head.”

“Got to. I was a Hindu like you before.”

Of course. Nearly-light-like Chinese skin and the freckled-but-not-pink-enough-white skin showed it. And his knowledge of Hindu Gods. Krishna, Buddha, Lingam!

“You look a Hindu too, ” I answered, suppressing a chuckle that threatened to well up beyond my throat.

He nodded uncertainly.

“Then I saw a wonderful light.”

I looked up at the airport illumination.

“I know. I am seeing the lights myself . Incredible..”

“Not this light. This is nothing. The true light. Light of Living God.”

“Lucky you. Seeing the lights of sixteen thousand and eight living gods. Krishna, Buddha, Lingam..”.

“There is only one Living God. The true God. The God who created you and me, Mr. Menon. I notice your sarcasm. But I should tell you this: This is no time to laugh and make fun of somebody who hopes to save you. “

He paused as if to shatter a breaking news.

“He is coming, Mr. Menon, He is coming as sure as you and I are sitting here.”

“By which flight is She coming?”

“Not she, He. Your goddesses are fake goddesses. Believe me, incarnations of devil, wearing skulls around their heavy hips and blood dripping from their tongues. The Real God is kind and merciful except to the rebellious and the unbelieving. He wants to save you. He will forgive you for worshipping sixteen thousand fake gods and goddesses and take you into his loving fold,”

He appeared to be getting agitated.

“Believe me, Mr. Menon, this is the time for you to accept Him. He mounted the cross to save you.  Don’t you see the signs? War in every Muslim world, war between Hindus and Muslims, war between men and women, poverty, famine, new –  new unheard of diseases, earthquakes, calamities..”

“And world wars between Christians, war between Protestants and Catholics, Reformists saying that the Pope is anti-Christ”, I interjected.

“World wars are over, a long time ago, Mr. Menon. Talk about the present. Every occurrence that is happening now is prophesied here”.

He tapped a bag by his side that I hadn’t noticed before.

“All the fourteen signs announced in this book have come to pass”.

“That’s interesting. Show me the sign about the civil war in Syria, and how it is going to end. Does it say Assad would resign or would he end up getting lynched?”

“Mr. Menon, you should believe. This is no time to joke and ridicule, as the gentiles did two thousand years ago. I have solid proof.  Two Peter, Chapter one, nineteen to twentyone. The time is here. He mounted the cross two thousand years ago to save you today. He is coming back.”

“In Hong Kong?”

“Don’t be silly. In Bethlehem. He will rule the world from there. The whole world would be his kingdom. Those who placed their trust in him would be saved. Those who didn’t..” he looked up, joining his hands as if praying for mercy. His shoulders shook as if in a shiver.

“Thank you for your concern. I am truly touched. You haven’t told me your name.”

“John. John Chang. It was He who brought me here to meet you.”

“Then He or She would know that I haven’t much time, Mr. Chang. The driver would be here any moment. He charges me by the minute from the moment he spots me.”

“ When the time comes you will forget about money and regret your folly. I will cut this short. I am not here to give you a long sermon. You look intelligent, you won’t need a sermon. I will just tell you this  one thing….”

Then he dropped the bombshell:

“God wants a relationship with you.”

“Don’t you think I am a bit old for any woman – even a god – to want a relationship with me?”

“God is not a Hindu devil-goddess, but He is God. He. The living God.”

“So he is a man?”

“God is God, not a mere man. He made man in his image.”

“So he is  manly,  I  mean, he looks like a man? Has things that I, a man, have?”

“Man was created in the image of God, not the other way round.”

“OK. To my mind, since man – you and I are made in the image of God, God resembles the mean average of you and me, and is equipped like you and me.”

“That’s a silly way to put it”.

“And this living God, who is equipped like a man, not a she-devil woman,  because he created man in his own image, wants a relationship with me”.

“Yes. From this very moment. He sent me here to help you.”

A lanky young Chinese was walking towards us. He noticed the passport in my hand and stopped.”Mr. Menon?”

I nodded,  got up and extended my hand towards John Chang, the Hindu who saw the light and found that God is coming to Bethlehem to rule the world and wanted to have a relationship with me.

“I am sorry, Mr. Chang. I am bisexual, but would have thought twice before refusing your offer of relationship to God, even though you say he is male, who would be the King of the world. Sadly, the Supreme Court of my Country has banned such relationships.”

My extended hand was not taken. When  it remained  limp for nearly a minute, I withdrew it and walked with Nelson Lang, the driver.

 


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